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Marriage can be such a touching and thrilling moment, ushering in a lifetime promise between two people. Amongst all the fairy tale and romance, however, there are practical realities that must be faced head-on to safeguard both parties getting married. One such reality pertains to how a prenuptial agreement-what’s more colloquially referred to as either a prenup or premarital agreement-is discussed.
Talking about a premarital agreement with your partner can be frighteningly intimidating. It is just one of those topics that always seems to stir up a bunch of misconceptions and fears about trust and commitment. If handled truthfully, openly, and respectfully, a discussion about a prenup may just actually help build and strengthen your relationship as a time to establish the precedent of communication and shared financial insight.
This guide will lead one through the sensitive discussion of pre-marital agreements and take one through step-by-step on how to bring up the subject, handle objections, and reach an equitable and balanced agreement that will work for both partners.
A premarital (aka prenuptial) agreement is an agreement that a couple enters into in
contemplation of their marriage. It describes the division of assets, liabilities, and financial responsibilities between the parties in case of divorce, legal separation, or death. This helps protect both spouses by defining what will take place as far as financial concerns are concerned during and after the marriage.
These agreements might concern a range of issues that include the following:
Even though prenuptial agreements are related to considerable wealth, all couples in whatever financial state can benefit from having one. It brings clarity and assurance within the marriage.
Protection of Individual Assets: A prenuptial agreement serves to protect the assets that each partner brings into the marriage by ensuring, upon divorce or death, property and other valuables remain separate.
Debt Management: It clarifies who shall be responsible for the existing debts and future ones, protecting one partner from overburdening with the other partner’s financial obligations.
Business Protection: A prenup may protect the business interests of an entrepreneur or family businesses from being divided in case of a divorce.
Clearly Defined Financial Expectations: With a prenuptial agreement, the financial expectations are clearly defined; hence, there is minimal conflict and misconception over money during the marriage.
Children from a Previous Relationship: The prenup will protect children of a previous marriage by preserving their inheritance and financial security.
Strengthens Communication: Generally, having a prenup requires open and honest communication about finances, values, and any future plans one intends to take. This strengthens your relationship.
With any conversation you have with your partner regarding a premarital agreement, you’ll want to prepare yourself for the discussion. Here are some key steps you should consider in getting yourself ready:
First, you need to understand what is encompassed in a premarital agreement and what benefits derive from the use of such a tool. Research state laws on prenuptials, what is commonly included in agreements, and what type of considerations may be required by statute. Not only will having such information provide confidence when you present your argument, but it will also enable you to address your partner’s questions.
Be clear as to why you want a premarital agreement. Is it to protect family assets, to deal with debts, or to protect a business? Knowing your reasons will help communicate them clearly and sincerely to your partner.
Consider how your partner might feel when you bring up the topic of a prenup. Will he or she be surprised, offended, or supportive? Knowing how they will react will help you mentally prepare and also inform you as to how you can approach them with sensitivity.
Timing is everything when dealing with sensitive issues. Choose a private, comfortable setting in which you can talk without interruptions. Do not attempt to discuss the subject if things in general are hectic or if either of you is having a bad day.
Visiting an attorney or financial advisor in the pre-discussion stage will help you understand the key points of what is sensible, map out the legal consequences, and advise the best way to broach the subject in as tactful a manner as possible.
In fact, the way you bring up the subject of the premarital agreement can set the tone for the whole discussion. Here are some strategies that will make this discussion positive and respectful:
Start the conversation with affirmations of your love and devotion to your future spouse. You can help your partner understand that this has nothing to do with a lack of confidence in him or her, or in your relationship, but rather about being realistic and protecting both parties from unspoken presumptions about money.
For example, you might say, “I love you, and I’m excited about our future together. I want us to start our marriage with open and honest communication, especially where our finances are concerned.”
Present your desires for a prenup in a casual, reasonable manner. Highlight the evident benefit to having a plan laid out and how it will be in a position to protect both of you.
For instance, “I think having a premarital agreement can help us avoid misunderstandings about money in the future. It’s not about planning for the worst; it’s about making sure we’re both on the same page.”
Emphasize that this agreement protects both partners and can provide security and peace of mind. Let your partner know you want the prenup to be fair and balanced-you want both your interests taken into consideration.
Example: “This agreement isn’t just about protecting me—it’s about protecting both of us. It’s a way to make sure we’re both treated fairly and that we have a plan for managing our finances together.”
Be prepared for your partner to have questions or reservations. Allow them to speak without interrupting, acknowledge their feelings, and validate their concerns. Understanding their perspective is the foundation for finding common ground.
Example: “I realize this is a sensitive topic, and I appreciate you sharing how you feel. Let’s discuss any of your concerns so we can be certain this agreement will work for both of us.”.
Don’t be in a hurry and expect to sort this all out in one conversation. Give him the time he needs to consider the idea and circle back as necessary. Be open to negotiation and compromise.
Sample: “I don’t want to rush this. Let’s take our time to think about it, and we can revisit the conversation whenever you’re ready.”
It’s very common for your spouse-to-be to have some apprehensions about a premarital agreement. Following are some of the usual objections and methods to overcome those objections:
“It Feels Like You Don’t Trust Me.”
Response: Reassure your partner that the agreement is not about mistrusting him or her; rather, it has something to do with clarity and protection. You should assure him or her that this is a practical decision many couples make in order to protect their futures.
Example: “This isn’t about trust-it’s about making sure we have a clear plan in place. Just as we have insurance for our home or health, a prenup is a way to protect our financial well-being.”
“I’m Afraid It Will Kill the Romance.”
Remind your partner that talking about money is an inevitable part of any serious relationship. A prenup can alleviate some of the stress associated with money issues and provide a healthier, more romantic relationship.
Example: “I know this isn’t the most romantic topic, but it’s important to me that we start our marriage with honesty and security. By addressing these issues now, we can focus more on enjoying our life together.”
“I Don’t Want to Think About Divorce.”
Response: Acknowledge that none of them want to think about divorce, but actually it is about responsibility, similar to many facets in life.
Example: “I completely understand-I don’t want to think about divorce either. But having this agreement is just a precaution, like having a will or an emergency fund. It’s about being prepared for whatever comes your way.”
“I Don’t Understand Why We Need It.”
Response: Explain the advantages and the protection that a prenup would offer in the clearest manner possible. Mention that it insinuates legal clarity, protects both parties, and helps them avoid possible future conflicts.
Example: “A prenup will help us indicate how we would like to handle our finances, debts, and assets. This is about ensuring that the both of us are comfortable and that our wishes would be protected no matter what happens.”
Stay Calm and Respectful: This may be an emotionally packed discussion; hence, it is important not to be accusatory but to remain calm and respect each other’s perspective.
Use “We” Language: Couch the discussion in terms of a mutual decision and avoid making one partner appear to impose his will on the other. Use language that suggests teamwork, shared goals.
Be transparent about your finances: Both partners should be open about their financial situation, assets, debts, and income. Transparency builds trust and allows fairness in the agreement.
Focus on the future: Set the conversation to be in the future perspective and emphasize how a prenup can protect for both of you what is important and enable both to reach your goals together.
Seek Professional Help Together: It may be a good idea to sit down with a neutral financial advisor or mediator who can help facilitate this conversation. Professional guidance can certainly bring an unbiased viewpoint and also an opportunity to address concerns.
Drafting the Premarital Agreement
Assuming you and your partner have decided to go ahead, the next step will be the actual drafting of the agreement. Here is what to expect:
Get Separate Attorneys
Both of you should be hiring separate attorneys to go through the Agreement with you so that the document is as fair as possible, and your rights are protected. Similarly, separate attorneys will be able to give independent advice and facilitate negotiations regarding how to present terms that can be important for both parties.
Disclose All Assets and Debts
It means complete disclosure of all assets, liabilities and other financial commitments. Failure to disclose information may, moreover, be one more reason for the court to contest or render an agreement invalid.
Negotiate Terms Fairly
It is necessary to come up to negotiations as to two partners eager to make concessions to each other. Give in where it is necessary for the sake of further movement and try to achieve a balance of interests. A fair agreement takes into account the needs and further plans of both partners.
Insert Clear Provisions
The agreement should finally be clear, specific, and involve all relevant areas such as property division, spousal support, and debt allocation. Avoid vague wording that can lead to disputes later on.
Review and Revise as Necessary
Go through the agreement and take the time to revise whatever needs revision so that it is right. Ensure that both partners understand what is stated within the agreement before signing.
Sign and Notarize the Agreement
Both parties will have to sign the agreement in the presence of a notary or witnesses for the agreement to be legally valid. In this way, the agreement becomes formal and legally binding.
Remaining Positive About Signing
Signing a premarital agreement does not mean your marriage is doomed to be argumentative. On the contrary, it may offer you both some sense of security that will enable you to focus on establishing a sound, healthy relationship. Here are some ways to keep a positive outlook after signing:
Prenuptials are not the most romantic thing in the world, but it is only one part of your marriage. Celebrate your commitment to each other and the love and partnership you are sharing.
Keep talking-keep communicating. Not just on money stuff, but on everything. Make check-ins a regular thing. It will keep the trust going, and intimacy isn’t far behind it.
Revisiting the Agreement as Circumstances Change: Life changes, and so can this prenup to reflect that change. If you both agree, revisiting and updating said agreement will ensure it continues to meet your needs.
Focus on Your Shared Goals: Take the clarity and security afforded to you through your prenup and place your focus on shared goals such as buying a home, starting a family, or pursuing business together.
When one discusses a premarital agreement with a partner, it is not about contemplating failure; actually, it’s the opposite-to lay a platform of trust, transparency, and mutual respect. You will notice that what can be a somewhat sensitive subject just may give you an opportunity to strengthen your relationship more by being sympathetic, forthright, and open to what he has to say.
If you need help in drafting your premarital agreement or if you would like professional support on how to bring it up with your future spouse, be sure to consult with Kimbrough Legal PLLC. Our board-certified family law attorneys can assist in drafting an agreement that best reflects your values and protects your future. Reach out today at 866-788-5186 to schedule a consultation and take the first step toward a safer and more open partnership.
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